Talking about weddings to your boyfriend.?
Saturday, March 6th, 2010 at
10:24 pm
My boyfriend gave me a promise ring, but ever time that I bring up weddings, or us getting married, he kinda changes the subject. Why? I have told him I want a nice wedding, not something too expensive, and not something to simple ( like a beach wedding ). I want to be able to invite over all my family and I am mexican, so I have a lot of relatives. Could the expensises be scaring him away? But I am a girl… it is every girls dream to have a nice wedding, RIGHT???
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You guys aren’t engaged yet, a promise ring is just a commitment to get engaged in the future. He’s probably not ready yet to take the next step.
You have promised to be faithful not engaged that is why he changes the subject!
Marriage is the dumbest idea since organized religion. Being a male, he probably realizes that.
its not an engagement ring honey…SLOW DOWN before he runs!!!
I would talk about being engaged first before you start talking about weddings. I at one time had a promise ring too. When we did talk about weddings it was like in 5 years when we think we’re going to be ready to get married. Nothing like super soon.
Well, unless you have the kind of relationship that is not evident in your question’s details, where man and woman share in making the wedding happen, once the two have agreed to get married (engaged), it is the responsibility of the woman and the woman’s family to plan and pay for the wedding.
If you look at the details or a traditional wedding, all the man is expected to do is show up nicely dressed and take the woman away afterward to the household he has saved money for. Groom’s dinner and groomsmen are optional, although best man to support the groom is traditional. If you go back not too far, the woman also shows up with a dowery to make her worth taking off the father’s hands which includes things a woman needs to maintain a household to HER standards once she takes over running the household and he goes back to his occupation.
Today, it is more common to both have a dream and to cope with the dreams of the girls mother, getting through the wedding and on with their lives.
Sounds like he is not ready to get married, however you obviously are. You need to realise that he gave you a promise ring, and not an engagement ring because he is not ready to get engaged. I would think about it and then decide whether or not you wouldn’t rather move on in the relationship and find another boyfriend who might be more interested in settling down in the near future. You could be waiting for a long time for this guy, and believe me, there is more than just "the one" out there waiting to marry you.
You’re obviously pretty young if the two of you are exchanging promise rings. I swear, if I could strangle the money-hungry lunatic who came up with the idea for promise rings I would. Promise rings are a useless piece of jewelry that guys give girls when they’re in juniorhigh/high school because they want to show they’re in a "comitted" relationship. Seriously, what’s the point in getting a ring and saying "This is my promise to get you ANOTHER ring someday!"? If you’re not old or mature enough to take the full step, don’t worry about rings at all.
That having been said, you’re both obviously too young to be thinking about marriage. He gave you that ring as a way to string you along.
he gave you a PROMISE ring, not an ENGAGEMENT ring.
be quiet about the whole wedding thing until he PROPOSES to you.
IMO YOU are scaring him away.
I’m Mexican too so I couldn’t help but smile when you said that you are worried about inviting all your relatives. Something that is causing me headaches right now
But to answer your question- marriage is a serious commitment. It requires a lot of hard work, sacrifice, compromise, and knowing who you really are inside. The wedding is the tip of the iceberg so even though it is really exciting to think about this great party with all your family and friends sharing this special day with you…stop and think about what everything else means.
You are planning to spend your life together for better or worse (and it can be worse). Its OK to talk about the future before the engagement ring but it can be pretty scary if you aren’t ready yet. And you both may not be ready until some more time passes. Instead take the time to deepen the relationship and ease up on the wedding stuff. Call your girlfriends up and talk to them about your wedding dreams. They will share their ideas too and you can fantasize all you want without any of the restrictions of reality. Then when he gives you an engagement ring you can talk about the wedding details with him.